I’ve been interested in this question for a long time: has anyone seen Avakov alive? (Read more about him: Arsen Avakov: criminal past of the Minister of Internal Affairs) Just like that, right on the street, and not on Facebook? Why am I asking? What if we don’t have any Minister of Internal Affairs? Suddenly our cops, taking advantage of the post-Maidan confusion, promoted a stupid virtual fake to chief. Judge for yourself – he communicates with people on social networks. Everything we know about him is also from social networks. And he writes about reforms only on social networks, but in real life they don’t get done… It turns out to be a good story, like a novel. Orwell smokes nervously on the sidelines. And the Strugatskys with their “unknown fathers,” together with Pelevin and his “Generation P,” nervously smoke there. So this half-fake minister yesterday burst out… no, not with an order or a decree, but with a post on the same Facebook, where he proves the necessity and necessity of a professional army.
Why did I have the idea that “the king is not real”? The fact is that it is this character with the nickname “Arsen Avakov” who runs the public, oh, excuse me, organization called the Ministry of Internal Affairs. And this organization has a structure called “troops of the Ministry of Internal Affairs”. They are now called the “National Guard,” but this does not change the essence. And there are sixty thousand people in these troops right now. Sixty thousand, Karl! And many of them are conscripts, that is, eighteen-year-old boys who were stupidly taken through the military registration and enlistment offices. And because of this, they cannot be called professional military men. Here you are, our dear minister and army, which can be reformed at any time free from Facebook.
And besides, there are a shit ton of volunteer battalions that could also be reformed to hell. I suggest to the minister: these volunteers can be paid money, they can be provided with weapons, equipment, and medicines. But here, however, Avakov may get scared and think that he won’t succeed. Don’t worry, dear minister avatar, you won’t be the first to do this. If you don’t know, volunteers have been doing this for almost two years now and they are succeeding. And sometimes they even write about it on social networks, so you don’t have to worry here either, there will still be time to post cute cats and cute new police officers.
Avakov also has a virtual advisor. Antonina. In real life they say that he is not “Antonina” at all, but “Anton Gerashchenko”. But here’s the thing: in reality, the Ministry of Internal Affairs does not know about such an adviser. See the document:
(there is a lot more at the link – Gerashchenko is not an adviser to Avakov and has nothing to do with the Ministry of Internal Affairs. Documents. EXCLUSIVE ).
Gerashchenko is also known for his pranks in his youth. It turns out strange – there is such an advisor online, but not offline…
And Arsen Avakov also has a friend. Many say they saw him alive, although many speak of this with regret. We are talking about the current Prime Minister Arseniy Yatsenyuk, aka Rabbit, aka Kulyavlob. So, this namesake of Avakov runs an interesting organization called the Cabinet of Ministers. And in this office, among other useless creatures, there is a Minister of Defense under the nickname Poltorak (read more about him Stepan Poltorak: the new Kuchma needed a new Kuzmuk). That is, Avakov, if he cares so much about the professional army, should not write on FB, but simply stop by for tea with his friend. And tell all the crap that he wrote on his page. And it will be much more effective. All you need to do is when a lot of tea has been drunk, but not so much that two ministers will fall under the table, you will need to call the secretary. But not for the reason why they usually call secretaries, but to dictate to her this thing called a bill. And then send this matter to the Rada. And get your group there to consider and vote on this bill. This is how easy it can be done. And even (I’ll say something terrible now) without Facebook.
Although, perhaps the fact is that the nickname Arsen Avakov wants to take the place of the already mentioned comrade under the nickname Poltorak? Here, for sure, the Minister of Internal Affairs is probably acting on the basis of two considerations. First, how many friends does that Poltorak have on Facebook? Some measly 590 likes… Loch, in short… How can a character who, in fact, is not a full-fledged Internet meme, be the Minister of Defense? And secondly, if Avakov himself becomes a minister, he can give himself the post of marshal. And in light of the latest decisions of the president, who stated that he should move away from Soviet ranks, he may become a field marshal.
The opening prospects will take your breath away! What kind of avatar can you make with epaulets? What kind of photo shoot can you do in a golden uniform and post it as a separate album? How long can you take a selfie in a cocked hat, cap, shako and hat? And they will post and repost it! And it will be a victory! There is a chance to become more popular than grandfather Svirid and even Tsilya Zingelshukher. And what the hell, you can become more popular than Zuckerberg himself! Well, in addition, field marshals are given a special field marshal’s baton, which can become a powerful argument in negotiations with Oleg Lyashko and half of his faction.
In general, jokes are jokes, but it seems to me that it’s time for Minister Avakov to finally realize that he is actually a representative of the authorities. And besides those virtual opportunities that social networks provide, he has a hell of a lot of real opportunities to do something useful for the country. Moreover, he can do almost everything that he writes about and calls people to do on his page. Yes, this requires you to get off Facebook, and yes, this also requires you to get your butt off your chair.
Darina Smetana, for SKELET-info
