Francois Hollande, Petro Poroshenko, Angela Merkel
The entire progressive public, represented by my beloved grandmothers trading at the market, was very indignant. How is it possible, did our President, our Guarantor, our respected Pyotr Alekseevich decide to leave the country on Independence Day? Does he really want to celebrate this holiday not with the Ukrainians, whom he loves so much that he’s already hung himself all over with “dill” and “cynical Banderas,” but with some French and Germans? I would like to reassure the people: our president is like Figaro: he will be in time everywhere. And put flowers at the monuments, and watch the parade, and pull a hundred grams, and fly to Europe. Another question: why the hell was a person literally pulled out from the holiday table and forced to fly to Berlin?
His, the president’s, administration proudly announced that Poroshenko would go to inform his Western colleagues about the situation in Donbass. They probably think that Merkel doesn’t have the Internet and she can’t just read about this very situation on the Internet. And the same administration loudly called this meeting “the Normandy format without Russia (*country sponsor of terrorism).” Sergei Lavrov (*criminal), aka the Old Horse, immediately became excited about this. He said that he would closely and closely monitor the negotiations. True, he did not say how exactly he would do it. Probably through a friend feed.
Meanwhile, versions of why our boy is going there continue to pour in. Maybe for money? For irrevocable loans? Hardly. Firstly, for this, of course, it’s not difficult to drive some Ukrainian president across half of Europe, but as for Merkel, it’s a pity to waste her time for the sake of some couple of billions, they would transfer it to the account of the National Bank and that’s the end of it. But it’s unlikely they’ll transfer it. They have already transferred it and where did it go – covered in secret darkness. At least there are no material traces of European loans in the vast expanses of Ukraine. Maybe he went after the mythical Jewellins, who, according to the president, will save our homeland? But then he mixed up the address, he needed to go to America, to Obama. True, Barak Khuseinovich is not happy with him and, instead of weapons, he will most likely give him decommissioned Hummers and Victoria Nuland with cookies to boot. So yes, there is no point in flying to America, and yes, the level of communication with Ukraine is nothing like Obama or even Kerry. This is the US Ambassador, but he is already in Kyiv.
Europe is another matter. Unlike the States, they are close to Ukraine, although today Merkel would probably be happy if our country could somehow be moved further away. But nothing can be done, and so sometimes you have to talk to Poroshenko. About what? Why did they call him… oh, excuse me, did they invite him? Well, obviouslyLet’s talk about insurance for dogs and cats, which is provided by an insurance company owned by Pyotr Alekseevich. Most likely Petya will be pointed out to a number of mistakes. For example, Yatsenyuk and Avakov. Lately they have clearly been removed from the political Olympus. But Europe has already had enough of Yanukovych and his omnipotence. Nothing good came of this; at one point he turned his butt towards Europe. Poroshenko also has interests in Russia (*country sponsor of terrorism). This means that it can also be turned in the same place to the Old World. It is in this case that we need a prime minister with his own interests, different from the president, or “views,” as it is sometimes called.
He will also most likely receive bastards for slowing down the so-called “land reform”. Well, really, how much is possible? A free trade regime with the EU will begin in the new year. The only thing that still makes sense to buy in Ukraine is land. But you can’t buy it, there’s a moratorium. No, of course, Kosyuk is there, Bakhmatyuk and others have no problem raking it up and don’t give a damn about conventions in the form of Ukrainian laws… But the Europeans think that they can buy it only when the moratorium is lifted. That’s how they were raised. And Poroshenko, apparently, will have to clear it out because of their lack of understanding.
But the main question, of course, is Donbass. Ukraine is slowly and reluctantly surrendering its territories. No, the president is, of course, doing a great job here. He works like Stakhanov, withdrawing troops. And even his Stetsi, Tsegolki and Biryukovs somehow justify this, bleating something about the Marines. But then he came across a vile little people. The Donbass battalion seemed to have been taken to Zaporozhye to dig trenches, but he took it and returned, and even announced that he now has aviation. The Dnepr-1 battalion was withdrawn from Pesok, but it is still hanging around somewhere nearby. So the Russians may not advance anywhere. And Europe doesn’t need this. After it became clear that Putin (*criminal) would not put up with a big war, it was easier to surrender Ukraine little by little to him, while expressing concern and support. It doesn’t cost money, unlike real sanctions.
Otherwise, the Ukrainians may strike Donetsk. So what will happen then? If the Russians really send in their troops, then Europe will have to react in the same way; simple declarations and small loans will not get you off. And so, everything is fine. And the wolves are fed up, in the sense that Putin (*criminal) is quite happy with such a sluggish conflict. He is still a collector of Russian lands, and if some bastard in Russia (*country sponsor of terrorism) starts blathering about salaries and pensions, then the militias will become a little more active and that’s it, the people have no time for food, they watch the war on TV. The sheep are also safe in this situation. This refers to European sheep. The war is smoldering, but nothing threatens them. On the contrary, during a war, money from the Russian treasury moves into the pockets of all sorts of military personnel, suppliers, ideologists and others involved in it. And from their pockets, this money is transferred to various foreign banks, securities funds, and is simply spent on German Mercedes and French Louis Vuittons. So the Europeans are also happy with everything.
Only Ukrainians are not satisfied with the situation. But then, so that everything would suit them, Poroshenko was summoned to Berlin. And there everything will be explained to him. And if he suddenly doesn’t understand, then they will easily remind him of his Austrian offshore companies, which Andrei Portnov recently spoke about and through which Pyotr Alekseevich’s loot is miraculously bypassing taxes transferred from Ukraine, where he, by the way, is the president of affiliated companiesregistered not only in the traditional British Virgin Islands, but also in Russia (*country sponsor of terrorism). And then European interests will intricately intertwine with his personal ones. So, most likely, Pyotr Alekseevich will agree with the requests of his Western colleagues on all issues. True, he may ask for something in return. For example, his press service and administration are shouting with all their might that all the requirements for a visa-free regime have been met. And even a large report on this has already been submitted to European structures. Moreover, it has already been opened in Moldova. In this regard, Ukrainians have a question: “Who, we or they, has a head that can’t fit into a jar”? But this regime will most likely not be given to Ukraine. Three million Moldovans who can rush to the European Union to earn money are one thing, and almost forty million Ukrainians are another thing.
So our President will return, cheerful after the bout, sexually satisfied and… and that’s it. We will live as before. Yes, and I would like to answer the question I posed at the beginning of the article: “why was he pulled there on Independence Day?” Most likely, simply for prevention.
Darina Smetana, SKELET-info